Freya’s Story

-guest post-

[dropcap]I[/dropcap]’ve been seeing more of the We Did movement these past couple of days. I wanted to share my story here, in a place without hatred, if thats allowed and of course hear other’s, as well.

We separated our shots at six months to 9/10 months. February 9th, I remember feeling like a proud strong mother for knowing what to do when we got Freya her shots. I remember that it also made my stomach turn to feel her legs fight against me as I held them and her arms against her chest. (That and child abuse sound similar to me now). I remember her terrified eyes and horrified screech. I remember kissing her forehead saying “its okay baby you did it you’re such a strong girl!” Little did i know I almost lost her almost a few days later.

I noticed her strong walking legs at 9 months old could no longer allow her to crawl. I noticed her eyes no longer glistening in happiness but drifting away in pain. I noticed less laughter and more coughing/wheezing. I dosed tylenol and motrin and suggested by doctors. Because you trust your doctors, right?

3:47 am February 11th I heard strange noises on her monitor. I immediately grabbed her when I witnessed *this* (the video of her restricted breathing). I called night nurses, took her to 4 different ERs in a two day span. All sent us home. The last one, with attitude, shut off her alarm when I questioned it and told me this exactly “you dont need to worry about that right now”. I thought, So when should I worry? Tomorrow when shes dead or now while she has 84% oxygen and can be helped?

Hospital #5 immediately afterwards, sees me walking in with my lethargic almost lifeless 10 month old, crying, begging for someone to help her. They brought a team, no wait, just oxygen for my baby girl and a wheel chair for me, her tired incapable mother.

She fought hard, her body rid itself. She was weak for months. She’s still behind now on her past accomplishments. Walking is hard. Feeding herself is hard. She’s now asthmatic. She can no longer eat eggs and tomatoes that she so previously loved. She’s covered in painful eczema and she doesn’t understand why she can’t scratch it, because it bleeds. She has come very close to SIDS here and there, screaming face down in her bed because she cannot move, and this mom and dad cant sleep because i take day shift he takes night shift. Its not enough.

They say i need to vaccinate my daughter. I say, #wedid.